The Best Advice I received about my baby - and it saved my sanity!! | Kingston Family Photographer
Hello friends,
As a new mom I was so full of excitement for my new little one and all the wonderful snuggling we would do together. I dreamed of the amazing things I would teach him, the places we would go, and I dreamed about what kind of person he would be when he got older. But I didn't really mentally prepare myself for if things didn't go perfectly. It's like everyone was giving me great advice about feeding and changing diapers and were just laughing about how you'll be tired because the baby might not sleep. No one told me about Colic or any other complications that may occur and I don't know if I just skimmed over that in my What to Expect When You're Expecting Book or if it just wasn't there but I got in over my head real quick!
Let me tell you why. My wonderful son Grey was born after a 38 hour labour (ya, that was super great) and was perfect but not only did we have breastfeeding issues (I had no clue what a nipple shield was but it was a lifesaver that first year!) but for some reason he would cry all day and night. And as a new mom I didn't really understand any difference between a regular cry to change his diaper or a cry for tummy pains (I was clueless and I know people will say you will figure out the different cries, and for the most part I did, it just took me a lot of weeks to get there, which I know now is totally normal but at the time it looked like #momguilt for not knowing how to do everything right away). So he was apparently in pain for many, many weeks with me having no clue but just trying my best as any new mom would do.
I felt like I was failing as a Mom
He barely slept as he would wake up with pain cries from a sore tummy and often he would only sleep for 2 hours in a 6 hour timeframe and cry the majority of the rest of the time. I was barely hanging on. I can look back and say that I didn't have Post Pardem Depression (because I'm pretty sure I had that with my daughter and hid it well- advice: don't do that and seek help when you need it), but I was super frustrated with the whole thing. We were barely cuddling, it was hard to bond as he was constantly going from breastfeeding to crying most of the time and people trying to tell me it was just Colic and it was punishment for my husbands colic was just not helpful - plus this was 24 hours a day and not just in the evenings. When we would go to the doctors he would just say give him Gripe water, which you can only give so much Gripe water, and we even went to the pharmacist to get Ovol which is pretty heavy duty which of course I had #momguilt from but it was the only relief I was getting.
I wasn’t advocating for myself in the right way
Then I actually got to leave the house when he was 2 months old for a 2 hour dinner in town with friends and one of the guys asked me "So how do you like being a Mom?" and I blurted out the first thing that came to mind "I hate it!" and then burst into tears!!! In the middle of the restaurant surrounded by friends that had no plans on having children anytime soon but that I'm sure I struck the fear of God into!
So I kept grinning and baring it all and then one magical day when he was 3 months old I told someone with that fake, everything is going perfectly, warrior mom face on, that everything was perfect but he seems to cry a lot 24 hours a day, not just at night and I just don't know what's wrong.
Then the heavens opened and a miracle occurred!
They suggested I take dairy out of my diet, just to see if maybe he had an issue with dairy. What I didn't know at that time is that many babies have issues digesting diary in breastmilk because they're still developing and need to build up that tolerance.
My face kind of dropped. I had no idea. I was drinking 4 glasses of milk a day just like I had been before I had the baby. I love cheese. I love sour cream. We cooked with dairy in almost every meal. I mean recipes call for butter!
But I was desperate and thought I'd try anything!!!
Well within 3 days of taking out all traces of dairy from my diet (including any dairy products in any packaged foods), the heavens opened and my baby was a TOTALLY DIFFERENT KID! Like night and day different. He stopped crying except for normal things like diaper changes and feedings. He literally became a happy baby. The baby I had dreamed of having where we could sit and stare into each other's eyes and finally connect as Mom and Baby like I had always wanted. I literally cried with relief. It was a Christmas Miracle.
I can't even tell you who told me the advice as I was living in a blind fog for sleep deprivation but I'm so eternally grateful to them!
The sacrifices were worth it!
This is not to say it wasn't difficult, it was so so difficult. We had to completely change the way we cooked. My husband was a trooper and helped me figure out what I could eat. It was drastic and it turned into a pretty boring year for me of eating a lot of vegetables and chicken but the side benefit was I lost 82 pounds that year just by taking out dairy. I lost more than I had gained when I was pregnant with him!
We tried incorporating a dairy product once a month, a spoonful of sour cream or cheese and it felt like instantly he would cry for hours and he would go back to not crying within 3 days of it being out of my system. It was hard. Can't a girl just have some tzasiki on her wrap? But, honestly, the feeling of knowing I was directly responsible for my beautiful, wonderful son not being in supreme pain was worth giving up cheese.
Maybe this tip will help you too
I'm not a doctor. But I wanted to share this story with you because I've shared it with other parents in the studio that were having the same type of issues and they've come back with huge thank you's for the advice as it transformed their lives as well. Every baby is different but you'll hear the same advice that if baby is having a bunch of tummy pains or a lot of gas, it could be an allergy to something you've ate (I hear citric foods can definitelty affect a lot of babies). Definitely consult with your doctor, I was honestly trying to be brave and maybe didn't make it as big of a deal to my doctor as I should have. But it's worth looking into if you find yourself in a similar situation.
I know that story was long but I just want you to know that you are not alone, there is help out there if you ask for it. It's hard to admit that you don't have all your stuff together and I still struggle with that #warriormom mentality.
I've been a mom for 13 years and honestly every age has something that you wont know enough about. Do the research, ask the experts for advice and know that you are the exact perfect Mom for your kids even if you don't always get it right!
I hope my struggle story helps you know that no mom is perfect even if we all try to be.
I wish you all the best on your Motherhood journey!
xo Jen
(here’s a picture of me with my kids when they were young….. they are so big now * cue mama tears * )
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